I Like Turtles

You know, I used to be a fairly decent blogger. Well, as you can tell I have not exactly been the most consistent blogger in the blogging world but that is due to the lack of excitement within my life. Looking back on the past few weeks there is not one instance where I can giggle to myself and think, wow that was crazy. Then it hit me, like the cliché saying, “like a ton of bricks.” I am a boring turtle. 

Me being a turtle...."I like Turtles"

Yes this picture is pretty pathetic and embarrassing HA shows you how much I care. I have been wasting my days away with studying, eating, running, Mac photo booth, movies, and more eating. What has become of me? Where did my sense of socialism go? Yes its true, I am still doing some adjusting to some fairly recent changes that have occurred but I have decided I am about to do some more serious changing. Changes like dancing in the rain, playing endless hours of Plinko at Nickel City for old time sakes, Slumber Parties, crazy dancing, and dare I say it…..getting ready. Yes I am actually going to do my hair and wear makeup this week. Although my time in Hermit cave Jefferson 36 has been relaxing, boring, and SO unexciting, I think its time to blossom and spread my wings. It’s getting cold here in dreary Provo and if I don’t blossom now I may just get buried in snow! So I raise my cup of cocoa to a new era of Lauren. Cheers to all my friends who are about to get a unexpected dose of my crazy personality! Remember you choose who, and how you are you. Love it and live it! 

I Am Beautiful

A few months ago I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the person standing in front of me. Behind the dyed hair, eye shadow, prissy clothes, and lip gloss I could see my blue eyes. As I did a thorough examination I realized that this wasn’t me and this definitely wasn’t who I wanted to be. I took another step closer and looked really deep into my eyes, as if to somehow take a look into my soul. It was then I realized who I was and am. Behind the frills and makeup was a blue eyed, goofy, loud laughing, life-loving girl. There is nothing more embarrassing than realizing you have been trying to be something your not. While also trying to bring my “natural side” on my outer looks I am also trying to makeover my innards. I have never been happier. My hair is back to its strange reddish/blonde/brown color I hardly wear anything but mascara and have found so much inner contentment with the way I look and feel. A wise woman once said, “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” –Audrey Hepburn.  I think we all need to take a long look in the mirror and see if we are content with what we are doing in our lives. I hope we can all be comfortable in the skin we are in. Trust me, after 19 years of living there is nothing more exciting than to finally say, I am! “I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down.” (Beautiful, Christina Aguilera)

It's never a bad moment to shed a tear

Realization is a two way street. It can lead to happiness and excitement, or it could lead to doubt and sadness. Today I had a realization. Whether it was the happy one or the sad one, I am not going to convey. But I believe realizations are a gift and should be thought out and acted on if appropriate. I have been strangely emotional lately. Whether its lack of sleep, hormones, or I’ve just become a softy, I have cried almost daily. I cry at almost all movies. I cry at things people say. I cry at cute tv commercials. I cry when I see old people holding hands. I cry when I see the love of a mother. I cry when I see people with special needs. I cry and cry and cry. But that to me is not a bad thing. I believe I am taking after my granddad. He turned into a softy as he became older as well. He would cry when he saw us, he would cry as he would wave goodbye, he would cry when I played my harp, and he would cry as he was talking to me. The passion and love my granddad showed is greatly missed within my life. Now I cannot even think of my sweet granddad without tearing up. My realization has come. I have made up my mind. Life is going to change a bit. It will be hard but I know a special part of my granddad lives within my heart to guide me through. I may cry but I am strong. I may fall but I will always get back up. I may be sad but I know a smile is just around the corner. Life takes its twists and turns but that is called living. And I plan to live to my fullest. Cry away America, there is no shame in it.

Sincerely, The New Me.

I don’t open up to people. The truth is I rarely tell people my deepest desires, lowest times, or stories of many tearful nights. I have assumed the role of listener, I feel like I am a good listener, while I always can’t always relate I can always provide a shoulder to lean on or sincere advise. While my past has held many sleepless nights, shattered dreams, and streaming tears I cannot complain. Recently I have been thinking back through my life, while I am only 19 years old, I was surprised how much there was to look back on. I came to a sad realization. I have been going through life on my own. I avoid help, kindness, and advise from those whom are willing and wanting to help me through my life’s journey. I am determined to work on being more personable and open up to others. To kick off this new life of “open book” I want to share some of my dreams with you (bare with me I’m a helpless romantic). I want to fall desperately, head over heels, sleeplessly in love with someone who thinks they love me 10X more than I love them, someone who will be fine with being dirt poor just as long as they know we have each other’s love to carry us through to the next day. I want a dog, heaven help me if I fall deeply in love with a man who is a dog hater…oh wait I wont, I could never get over that! I want a house with flowers in my garden, I love flowers; flowers bring me untold happiness (especially tulips future husband!) I want to run the Boston marathon, yes; I am reaching for the stars! I want children, to love something more than your own life has always sounded appealing to me! As I am listing just a few of my many dreams for this lifetime I am smiling. Have you smiled today? Enjoy your life, let others in, life is a journey not a ride, remember, sometimes we have to hike up mountains to get to the pretty views.