I Like Turtles

You know, I used to be a fairly decent blogger. Well, as you can tell I have not exactly been the most consistent blogger in the blogging world but that is due to the lack of excitement within my life. Looking back on the past few weeks there is not one instance where I can giggle to myself and think, wow that was crazy. Then it hit me, like the cliché saying, “like a ton of bricks.” I am a boring turtle. 

Me being a turtle...."I like Turtles"

Yes this picture is pretty pathetic and embarrassing HA shows you how much I care. I have been wasting my days away with studying, eating, running, Mac photo booth, movies, and more eating. What has become of me? Where did my sense of socialism go? Yes its true, I am still doing some adjusting to some fairly recent changes that have occurred but I have decided I am about to do some more serious changing. Changes like dancing in the rain, playing endless hours of Plinko at Nickel City for old time sakes, Slumber Parties, crazy dancing, and dare I say it…..getting ready. Yes I am actually going to do my hair and wear makeup this week. Although my time in Hermit cave Jefferson 36 has been relaxing, boring, and SO unexciting, I think its time to blossom and spread my wings. It’s getting cold here in dreary Provo and if I don’t blossom now I may just get buried in snow! So I raise my cup of cocoa to a new era of Lauren. Cheers to all my friends who are about to get a unexpected dose of my crazy personality! Remember you choose who, and how you are you. Love it and live it! 

Tis the season to be...free from writers block!

I feel extra pressure to make this blog post good considering my last one was sort of in the middle of a melt down. Writers block. A term I have randomly often heard, especially going through countless honor English classes. Yes I experienced it. Yes I am over it. AND Yes I hope to never, ever experience it again. I do not wish it upon anyone. For those of you who may have had the unfortunately pleasure to work with me this summer may have discovered my deep love for Christmas music. I secretly listen to Christmas music throughout the year (don’t tell my dad!).  I have also discovered that it is my cure to writers block. Just stick in Mariah Carey’s Christmas CD and it’s smooth sailing from there.  

While experiencing the all to unpleasant “block” I discovered many new, enlightening things about myself:

1.     My love for Christmas music was WAY deeper than I thought.

2.     I am a fairly decent cook (I haven’t starved yet, YAY!)

3.     I have turned a complete softy and cry almost everyday about things like abuse dog commercials, cute old people being lovey dovey, kind words, music and yes…even in touching school classes

4.     I am where I am supposed to be

5.     I still am a fairly decently consistent bowler

6.     I am majoring in the correct major, HOORAY!

7.     It’s hard to completely miss my best friend when I know he is in the right place, doing the right thing

8.     I feel no need or pressure to be constantly doing something (unlike Freshman year and I LOVE it)

9.     I am happy, because doing the right things, and always striving to be a good person has made me completely happy, happy, happy!

10.  I still want a dog

As I proofread my post, I can’t help but chuckle that I am finally settling into the real me, no additives or preservatives, and I could not be happier. I only wish me “settling” could’ve happened sooner! In short, everyday I try to live my life right, my life as a whole gets more perfect than I could’ve ever imagined. When I think of Christmas three things come to mind: Happiness, laughter, and my Savoir, Jesus Christ. As I do what I should those three words happen on the daily!  Its like I am living in the Christmas season each day. Sooo I guess all I really have to say is…..Merry Christmas!

Unorganized Emotions and Brain

There is nothing more frustrating for a writer than to sit and stare at a blank word document. No ideas. No thoughts. No inspiration. Usually my blog posts are inspired by events or thoughts that occur within my jumbled and all to unorganized brain.  While much has happened (moved out, school began, new friends, cooking, adventures, tears) not one thing has truly inspired me to write. Its been about 15 days since my last post and I guess I just feel confused.  I have so many emotions tugging at my sleeves sometimes I feel stretched in all directions. I have never been happier in my life than yet I could probably sit down and cry, cry, cry because I hurt so badly inside. I have some things to sort out and think about. Please excuse this all to unwitty and confusing post. I do not feel my usual self tonight.

“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”  ~Charlotte Brontë

Jordan Taylor Brown

February 2011, I met one of my best friends. As I look back on the last few months I realize how much I am going to miss him but almost instantly that feeling of hurt is healed because I know what he is going to do is the right thing. Best friends are hard to come by. But sometimes it felt like the two of us were two peas in a pod. Sometimes we would say the same things, make the same strange voices, or do the same obnoxious face like we were tuned into each others channels, completely on the same wavelength.  A simple smile, a chuckle, or even a handshake from him could make my day.  I love to laugh and I love being happy. I find so much joy in being around those people who bring about those feelings and actions. If I had a dime for every time I laughed with Jord…my gosh I would be living life large! We used to take walks, not just any kind of walks, like 7 mile walks. I mapped one out once and it was about 7.5 miles. These walks were always eventful, full of interesting conversation, tons of laughter, and crazy adventures! I truly came to understand his nickname “monkey” when he would constantly jump up on to anything that he could see. Through these walks I got to know the real Jord, I got to know his sweetness, his non-argumentative nature, his sense of humor, his strong sense for the gospel, his love of temples, his genuine compliments, his crazy voices and of course his love for volleyball!  Through the volleyball games, the long drives, the family dinners, the walks, the dates, and the tears I know without a doubt Jordan Taylor Brown has changed my life for the better. Who am I going to call when I have a bad day? Who am I going to make strange voices and faces with? I know that I will survive only because I know he is where he is supposed to be, preaching the gospel in El Salvador and Belize. He has inspired me to be better and stronger within the Gospel. Jordan Taylor I make you a promise while you are off serving the Lord and growing in the Gospel in El Salvador ,I will be working hard and doing the same in Provo, Utah. You are simply the best. I am so proud of my best friend. God Speed Elder Brown.  <3

Jord took a ballet class in college...haha my thoughts on this are obvious ;)

Mission call came!

Going to El Salvador and Belize!!

hence the monkey nickname :)

He picked me a bouquet of flowers one morning for breakfast.

My first off roading experience....CRAZY

Us.

We Might Not Have Any Money

Money. The world’s most stupidest (yes I said stupidest) invention. Granted if you have loads of it you aren’t too opposed to this invention, but if you are like me you loath the very idea of it. Whatever happened to trading?? Within this past year I quite literally understand the meaning of the phrase “poor college student”. One weekend I didn’t even have money to do my laundry…yes that’s like $1.50, six quarters. If it wasn’t for a kind hearted friend I would have had to wear my dirty laundry. After that incident I kind of felt helpless, I can’t even pay for my laundry?! Kind of pitiful, but wait it gets better. This fall I have to pay for a lot more than I did in previous years. I will be paying for housing, food, books, and as much tuition as I can with the money I have left. This worries me because I know that I am going to be saving every penny I have just to be able to pay for housing!! How am I going to pay for books or even food?! I have been stressing over this the entire summer. While normal summers are spent in blissful laziness this summer has been dedicated to money, work work work. Even with all the working that has happened I don’t have near enough money. If I had a lot of money my life would be different. I would be going to California this weekend, I would probably have a better tan cause I wouldn’t be indoors working all day, I would probably have those brown leather Sperry’s I’ve wanted for over a year, I probably would have to most beautifully detailed scrapbook in the state, and I would buy a new car (I don’t think mines gonna last much longer).  However…If I had money I wouldn’t understand its true value, I wouldn’t be working hard and spending wisely, I wouldn’t have made all these new amazing friends at work, I wouldn’t go through certain experiences that teach me and make me grow as a person. If we were to get everything we wanted nothing would be special. While I know there are going to be many stressful, moneyless weeks next year, some weeks where I won’t be able to eat as much as I would like, or even have to stay home some weekends because I can’t pay for the activity but that is ok. Life is so much easier when you look at the good than the bad. Just play the “glad game” (reference to Polyanna) Find the good in each situation not the bad, then life truly finds its happiness. As Ingrid Michaelson says "We might not have any money but we've got our love to pay the bills." Life is hard but keep lovin' and smilin' 

Miracles

  Jumbled. That is how I feel. I knew change was coming but now that its here I am not ready, far from ready. Tonight I saw the movie 17 Miracles. It’s a movie on the stories and miracles that happened during the journey of the Willie Handcart Company to Salt Lake. As I quietly sat through the movie I was touched on so many levels. There were miracles of love, not just any love like deep true love. There were miracles of healing. There were miracles of faith. I sat viewing all their hardships, seeing their pain in a padded comfy theater seat. Tears were undeniable. Who am I to live in Zion? There pioneers sacrificed their professions, their families, their possessions, their very lives to come to Zion to be with the saints. I could never imagine seeing friends, family, and neighbors drop dead because of harsh conditions, starvation, and exhaustion. Am I living my life in a way those saints would approve? I want to have faith as theirs. I want to have whole hearted devoted love like theirs. I want to have dedication and determination like theirs. I want to truly know as they did. I believe in miracles. They happen everyday and I am to naive and worldly to see them. I pray we may each open our eyes to see the daily miracles in our lives. Are we looking? Are we actively seeking? Be a person worthy of miracles, our scary worldly world could use more good people.

To Sink Or Not To Sink

As life takes its twists and turns one must learn to come out stronger. You get knocked down, you get beat, and you want to give up. It is at that point you must decide whether you will sink or swim. If you sink maybe you will get to see the fascinating sea creatures explore the deep dark places of the ocean blue. BUT you will eventually run out of air…AND SINK PERMANENTLY!!! (Dramatic, I know!) If you choose to swim you get to see the sun, moon, and the stars. You can swim to the different places and explore new cultures. My life hasn’t always been peaches and cream, in fact a lot of times it’s more like sour milk and pickles. Life has brought hurt, pain, sadness, heartache, tears, injury, illness, and exhaustion. But one thing I learned is never focus on the bad. Life has ALSO brought happiness, laughs, smiles, tears of joy, content, pride, excitement, and pure bliss! My friends, if there is on thing I have learned from my hardships is if you focus on the bad you will only continue on that path. If you find the good in even the worst situations you will always come out on top. We all need to more like the movie character Pollyanna and play the “Glad game”. So my dear readers remember, its summer, lets take a swim!

Ps. Kinda random but one of my new favorite songs: 

One Day I Will Know

My idea of true love is simple, I’m sitting in the passenger seat of a beater old car, and the 90 degree weather sun is shining bright! All the windows are rolled down and the winds blowin’ through my hair. The radio is blasting and I am belting the music, singing as loud and proud as I can (trust me that isn’t pretty) I look to my left and he is just smiling, completely happy and content being with me and my bad singing. Me (no makeup on, wearing shorts and a t-shirt) not feeling a bit self-conscious or stupid just being myself with someone who I know is being their complete selves with me. The next question that may enter your mind is where are we driving?? Well isn’t that the fun of this whole picture! Who knows?! I’m sure me and my true love will discover that one-day but as for know me and all you other curious readers will just have to wait a bit.

blingin rings, surprise kisses, and love for mothers

My favorite part of a wedding is when the father gets to share one last dance with his daughter before passing her off to her new husband. I always get so choked up watching the father look tenderly at his daughter, obviously reminiscing upon her growing up in his head. Then the excited new husband gets to sweep her off her feet to finish off the dance. I have always coveted the happiness you can see in newly weds eyes. Each of them knowing that they are official each other’s, no one else’s. Happy in the comfort of knowing the other loves them without a doubt. Love is powerful. Yes, I will openly admit to being a romantic. Romance novels, romantic comedies, and love poems always make me swoon. For me it is the unexpected affectionate touch, the unforeseen kiss, or the random wink that mean the most. The unplanned and unexpected show you they truly care for you. One of my all time favorite quotes on love is, “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.’” To me true love is being atypical, spontaneous, and even a little crazy at times. While I feel nowhere near ready for marriage and have no plans of getting married in the next few years, I still look forward to the new happy times of married life. Remember to show love to those you care about, you never know when they may be gone. I think its funny how we never know we care about someone so much until they are gone. Lets break that trend, remember, “Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, that’s why it's called the Present” Today is Mothers Day, Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful mothers, but especially mine!

I love you mom, I always have and I always will. Remember dear readers: there is no love in this world unless we show it. Happy Mothers Day! 

My Passionate Tears

I am a softy. When it comes to happy endings, sweet reunions, unwanted goodbyes, death, and dogs I cant help but cry. I have probably cried in just about every dog movie that has come out (My Dog Skip, Marley and Me, Fox and the Hound, Lassie Come Home, and of course Hachi) My most recent cause of crying was in the movie Source Code, yes, that is the action packed train one. However, despite the action, my tears were free flowing. I used to get embarrassed when I cried at small things such as 90 year old couples still showing love, cute movies, or soldiers reuniting with their families but not anymore. As I sat in Source Code I did not hide my tears, I let them each run down my cheek. It made me think of all the times I have cried, whether it was because of hurt feelings, happiness, pain, goodbyes, dogs, undying love, or happy endings, each of those reasons that brought about tears are my passions. I am a very passionate person. Is it wrong to strive for happiness, undying love, or a happy ending? I cry because of my passion. So yes, I cry because of happiness. Yes, I cry because I love love. Yes, I cry because I want a dog soooo badly. Yes, I cry in movies. Yes, I cry at funerals. Yes, I cry at goodbyes. Yes, I cry. I cry, and I love it. So all you tear shedders of the world be proud. You show emotion, you show passion.  The world could use more passionate tears; to often we are caught in the hurried pace of life trying to find the quick fix or easy money. Find your passions, your loves and go for them. And don’t be afraid to cry along the way.

Happy Easter

I love my Savior. I love my family. I love my life. I love, love. I love Easter candy! Happy Easter, 

live. laugh. love.

Let music speak for you

Music to me is a form of expression. While life is never easy and can bring about different feelings and emotions, I can always find a song to fit my random or odd mood. Music is constantly playing in my life whether it be in the car, in my room, on my laptop/Ipod/radio, or in my head...it elevates me. I think of all the goodbyes I have said within the past 48 hours, I don't like it, in fact I hate it. Goodbyes are not my forte. I have recently found a quote that I have to remind myself of often, especially these past few days, "Though miles may lie between us we are never far apart, for friendship doesn't count in miles its measure by the heart." Luckily even though thousands of mile lie in between many of my best friends and I, some which I may never see again, I can always hold on to the memories shared. I love reading through my journal, its like my personal history but it includes a lot of you, my friends. I will never forget the times we have shared, you have become a  part of my personal history, my story in this lifetime. Thank you, I love you. Remember my motto, Live, Laugh, and Love. Life is beautiful, keep on singing your way through.

I will not say goodbye

Today it really hit me that freshman year is coming to an end. As me and one of my besties were driving to our new favorite yogurt place (yogurtland) we realized that this was her last night in Provo.  What am I going to do without her? I quite literally have not gone a day without seeing her almost this whole school year! This made me think back on all the amazing memories we have shared, the fun, the sad, the hilarious, and the scary. Ry, you are a one in a million friend, I could not imagine freshman year without you, thanks for making my year unforgettable, I am so excited for many more years to come being our crazy selves! 

  I am not good at good byes, there is never a really good, happy way to say them, and I love being happy. But unfortunately they are inevitable. I wish I had the time to write personal thank yous to all of you, unfortunately I cant, I have to study American Heritage, bleh. So my friends please read the following: Thank you for your personal example you have been in my life. I truly have loved getting to know you and creating fun lasting freshman year memories with you! The only way I can truly express the way I feel about you and this year is through song, this one is for you:

 I can't stand the thought of not seeing you all to say goodbye personally, I wish they would have a Helaman Halls yearbook day or something! Just remember.....

Remember my friends LIVE. LAUGH. and LOVE. The world could use a little more of you, shine bright like I know you can! 

Bulging Hearts

I will be the first to admit that girls are emotional. I have never felt more like a girl in my life. I feel like Seattle, Washington. A melting pot of cultures cramped into one city that is full of life, potential, dreams, and hope. Of course instead of a melting pot of cultures I have a melting pot of emotions cramped into my little fist sized heart. A heart of confusion, waves of confusion that flow between my heart and my mind. I sit here typing away on my Mac contradicting every thought that runs through my head, and it’s driving me absolutely insane. These upcoming weeks will be weeks of change. Changes I know I am not ready or prepared for. My room is dark and its way past my bedtime. Why am I still up? As I sit and reflect on my life, it has been good but I can do things to make it great. Have you ever seriously pondered the question, what am I doing with my life?? Its time for a wakeup call! No more hitting the snooze. I know that there are definite changes ahead but how I go about them and adjust will make or break such changes. These next few weeks could set me out on a different path in life. Its time to decide whom me is. My heart’s still pumping; I guess that’s a good sign. Life comes and goes fast, don’t sit back and watch.  

Love 364 days

Yes I know. This was not posted on February 14, the day of love. There are methods to my madness! I am not going to lie, I love Valentines Day and while I have never actually have had a legit Valentine, but that doesn’t change my view of the holiday! I think it’s absolutely adorable when guys give their lovers flowers, balloons, or especially chocolates (Lindor chocolate preferably J) The girls reactions are the best. Not that I just creep around all day spying on everyone’s love fests….however, the girls faces are the best! While I do love this holiday I also hate it. I hate how harsh girls are to themselves on this day. Just because they don’t have some guy delivering them flowers and such doesn’t mean they aren’t loved! Hearing things like, “I woke up this morning crying,” or “love is stupid, it should die” or yes even, “Im a loner…and I always will be!” make me wonder if we understand the true meaning of the holiday. 

Yes it is most definitely the holiday of love but I believe it’s a little more general, it’s a holiday meant for recognizing all things we love! Family, friends, animals, cars, crafts, music, art…whatever we love we should show our love for it!  So I would like to take this time and show my love, for the things I love!

Family: I love you all with all of my heart! I could not imagine being apart of any other family! You have all had such a major impact in my life! Always supporting me in my new adventures and staying positive! Thanks for putting up with my weird personality and me! I love you to the moon and back!

Friends: What would I do without you?! I love thinking about all the crazy, funny, sad, unforgettable times we have had! The great late night talks, the spastic adventures, and of course the heart to hearts! I care about you all so much!! Whenever in need of someone, I have your back!!

Track: Thank you for pushing me to my potential! I feel like I am just hitting the outer circles of that potential but I absolutely love you and am willing to work to reach the center! I never thought I would love this sport so much but I have grown to love it unconditionally! While I am still very new to it and I honestly don’t know what good times are, or what certain terms are, I am learning! Thanks for helping me gain the confidence in myself to do hard things.

Dogs: yes….I love dogs. Although I never had a dog, I have learned a lot from that experience. While I have used 11:11 wishes and birthday candle wishes wishing for a dog as long as I can remember, I learned something very important! Having a dog has been a lifelong wish. I know that one day I will have a dog because I want it soooooo bad! If you want something bad enough you will be willing to put in the work required to achieve your wishes! Dogs and I have a special connection, I have cried in every dog movie known to man, from Lassie Come Home to My Dog Skip. Dogs of the world, I love you! I will one day own one of you!

The Gospel: I honestly have no idea where I would be without you. I owe you everything, quite literally everything good in my life. My love is unconditional. 

I love, love! Yes, I believe in love! Lets all try to remember love should be shown all year not just once! We all deserve to know we are loved! Just know, you are. Love is in the air….all year round!! XOXO