I Like Turtles

You know, I used to be a fairly decent blogger. Well, as you can tell I have not exactly been the most consistent blogger in the blogging world but that is due to the lack of excitement within my life. Looking back on the past few weeks there is not one instance where I can giggle to myself and think, wow that was crazy. Then it hit me, like the cliché saying, “like a ton of bricks.” I am a boring turtle. 

Me being a turtle...."I like Turtles"

Yes this picture is pretty pathetic and embarrassing HA shows you how much I care. I have been wasting my days away with studying, eating, running, Mac photo booth, movies, and more eating. What has become of me? Where did my sense of socialism go? Yes its true, I am still doing some adjusting to some fairly recent changes that have occurred but I have decided I am about to do some more serious changing. Changes like dancing in the rain, playing endless hours of Plinko at Nickel City for old time sakes, Slumber Parties, crazy dancing, and dare I say it…..getting ready. Yes I am actually going to do my hair and wear makeup this week. Although my time in Hermit cave Jefferson 36 has been relaxing, boring, and SO unexciting, I think its time to blossom and spread my wings. It’s getting cold here in dreary Provo and if I don’t blossom now I may just get buried in snow! So I raise my cup of cocoa to a new era of Lauren. Cheers to all my friends who are about to get a unexpected dose of my crazy personality! Remember you choose who, and how you are you. Love it and live it! 

Unorganized Emotions and Brain

There is nothing more frustrating for a writer than to sit and stare at a blank word document. No ideas. No thoughts. No inspiration. Usually my blog posts are inspired by events or thoughts that occur within my jumbled and all to unorganized brain.  While much has happened (moved out, school began, new friends, cooking, adventures, tears) not one thing has truly inspired me to write. Its been about 15 days since my last post and I guess I just feel confused.  I have so many emotions tugging at my sleeves sometimes I feel stretched in all directions. I have never been happier in my life than yet I could probably sit down and cry, cry, cry because I hurt so badly inside. I have some things to sort out and think about. Please excuse this all to unwitty and confusing post. I do not feel my usual self tonight.

“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”  ~Charlotte Brontë

Sincerely, The New Me.

I don’t open up to people. The truth is I rarely tell people my deepest desires, lowest times, or stories of many tearful nights. I have assumed the role of listener, I feel like I am a good listener, while I always can’t always relate I can always provide a shoulder to lean on or sincere advise. While my past has held many sleepless nights, shattered dreams, and streaming tears I cannot complain. Recently I have been thinking back through my life, while I am only 19 years old, I was surprised how much there was to look back on. I came to a sad realization. I have been going through life on my own. I avoid help, kindness, and advise from those whom are willing and wanting to help me through my life’s journey. I am determined to work on being more personable and open up to others. To kick off this new life of “open book” I want to share some of my dreams with you (bare with me I’m a helpless romantic). I want to fall desperately, head over heels, sleeplessly in love with someone who thinks they love me 10X more than I love them, someone who will be fine with being dirt poor just as long as they know we have each other’s love to carry us through to the next day. I want a dog, heaven help me if I fall deeply in love with a man who is a dog hater…oh wait I wont, I could never get over that! I want a house with flowers in my garden, I love flowers; flowers bring me untold happiness (especially tulips future husband!) I want to run the Boston marathon, yes; I am reaching for the stars! I want children, to love something more than your own life has always sounded appealing to me! As I am listing just a few of my many dreams for this lifetime I am smiling. Have you smiled today? Enjoy your life, let others in, life is a journey not a ride, remember, sometimes we have to hike up mountains to get to the pretty views.

My Passionate Tears

I am a softy. When it comes to happy endings, sweet reunions, unwanted goodbyes, death, and dogs I cant help but cry. I have probably cried in just about every dog movie that has come out (My Dog Skip, Marley and Me, Fox and the Hound, Lassie Come Home, and of course Hachi) My most recent cause of crying was in the movie Source Code, yes, that is the action packed train one. However, despite the action, my tears were free flowing. I used to get embarrassed when I cried at small things such as 90 year old couples still showing love, cute movies, or soldiers reuniting with their families but not anymore. As I sat in Source Code I did not hide my tears, I let them each run down my cheek. It made me think of all the times I have cried, whether it was because of hurt feelings, happiness, pain, goodbyes, dogs, undying love, or happy endings, each of those reasons that brought about tears are my passions. I am a very passionate person. Is it wrong to strive for happiness, undying love, or a happy ending? I cry because of my passion. So yes, I cry because of happiness. Yes, I cry because I love love. Yes, I cry because I want a dog soooo badly. Yes, I cry in movies. Yes, I cry at funerals. Yes, I cry at goodbyes. Yes, I cry. I cry, and I love it. So all you tear shedders of the world be proud. You show emotion, you show passion.  The world could use more passionate tears; to often we are caught in the hurried pace of life trying to find the quick fix or easy money. Find your passions, your loves and go for them. And don’t be afraid to cry along the way.

Let music speak for you

Music to me is a form of expression. While life is never easy and can bring about different feelings and emotions, I can always find a song to fit my random or odd mood. Music is constantly playing in my life whether it be in the car, in my room, on my laptop/Ipod/radio, or in my head...it elevates me. I think of all the goodbyes I have said within the past 48 hours, I don't like it, in fact I hate it. Goodbyes are not my forte. I have recently found a quote that I have to remind myself of often, especially these past few days, "Though miles may lie between us we are never far apart, for friendship doesn't count in miles its measure by the heart." Luckily even though thousands of mile lie in between many of my best friends and I, some which I may never see again, I can always hold on to the memories shared. I love reading through my journal, its like my personal history but it includes a lot of you, my friends. I will never forget the times we have shared, you have become a  part of my personal history, my story in this lifetime. Thank you, I love you. Remember my motto, Live, Laugh, and Love. Life is beautiful, keep on singing your way through.

I will not say goodbye

Today it really hit me that freshman year is coming to an end. As me and one of my besties were driving to our new favorite yogurt place (yogurtland) we realized that this was her last night in Provo.  What am I going to do without her? I quite literally have not gone a day without seeing her almost this whole school year! This made me think back on all the amazing memories we have shared, the fun, the sad, the hilarious, and the scary. Ry, you are a one in a million friend, I could not imagine freshman year without you, thanks for making my year unforgettable, I am so excited for many more years to come being our crazy selves! 

  I am not good at good byes, there is never a really good, happy way to say them, and I love being happy. But unfortunately they are inevitable. I wish I had the time to write personal thank yous to all of you, unfortunately I cant, I have to study American Heritage, bleh. So my friends please read the following: Thank you for your personal example you have been in my life. I truly have loved getting to know you and creating fun lasting freshman year memories with you! The only way I can truly express the way I feel about you and this year is through song, this one is for you:

 I can't stand the thought of not seeing you all to say goodbye personally, I wish they would have a Helaman Halls yearbook day or something! Just remember.....

Remember my friends LIVE. LAUGH. and LOVE. The world could use a little more of you, shine bright like I know you can! 

Blurb of my Brain

Some people ask me, “why have a blog when you have facebook? It seems pointless.” My dears, it may be a problem if you really can’t tell the difference between a blog and facebook…I’m a little worried. I love my blog because it gives me a chance to type my feelings or thoughts that pop into my head. I really could care less if anyone reads my blog, it’s mainly for me, giving myself an opportunity to unwind and type. I really enjoy writing. It’s a secret pleasure of mine. I am scared for tomorrow. First off, I am taking my Book of Mormon final, I. Hate. Finals. Secondly I get my blood work back tomorrow. I have been having health complications the past few months; it’s starting to scare me. Isn’t it a doctor’s job to know what’s wrong with you?? What am I supposed to do if they haven’t been able to find out, for all I know I could be dying. K, that was a little dramatic, I am not dying…hopefully. Made some new friends this week, made me excited for Spring semester! Right now I am in the best mood, for two reasons: 1. I am currently eating a strawberry shake, one of my all time favorite treats. 2. I am listening to Christmas music. You ask why?? Because I want to. 250 days until Christmas, but hey its not like anyone is counting or anything, and no I did not just spend like 5 minutes counting that….Happy Finals week everyone, may we all come out alive.